Am I sad? Sad that my semester is over? Sad that college has come to a clattering, chaotic end?
I never thought I would see this day. The day where I wanted to be in college.
But when the news came out that Chapel Hill was giving us an extra week of spring break followed by a cessation of all in-person classes, I was immediately filled with sadness.
I had just started to enjoy myself after three years of interminable despondency. I was feeling comfortable in my environment, opening myself up to new relationships and experiences. It was my last semester of college, and I was having a damn good time.
Then there was a global pandemic.
And now the world is completely shutting down—my college along with it.
Coronavirus made a slow entry into my conscious thought. I remember hearing about its genesis over in China several weeks ago. I think some part of my brain must have registered the severity of the situation, as I started to watch the Netflix original documentary series Pandemic.
As I progressed through the show over a period of a week or so, the hypothetical worst-case scenarios were mirroring the situation in the real world. Eventually after about four episodes, I stopped watching. It was negatively affecting my mental health.
Instead I turned my hopeful attention to the democratic primaries. My hope then slowly turned to resigned dismay as I watched the American public put their votes behind Joe Biden, proving that, once again, I was supporting the losing candidate.
Sometimes I wonder why I even bother educating myself when the result remains unaffected by my growth in knowledge.
I got coffee with two friends this morning. Both also attend a North Carolina public university, and as such, were also coming to terms with our new reality.
Our conversation revolved around the virus and whether we would get to walk across the stage for graduation this May. We joked about video calling into our graduation ceremony, but our laughter was tinged with sadness.
We felt guilty complaining about losing our last semester of college when we know that many people are going to lose their lives to this virus.
We felt guilty about complaining about the boredom of online classes when we are all privileged with healthy immune systems.
We felt guilty. But we also felt sad.